What is the greatest pain you ever experienced? What are the fiercest storms that have ever assailed you? We all experience painful seasons in our lives. It could be the death of a loved one, a broken relationship, a grim diagnosis. I’m sure everyone can think of something. I have been incredibly blessed with good health, loving friends and family, a wonderful husband, and so much more! Most of the pain in my life has been indirect where I am sharing in the pain of others, rather than being directly assailed by trials. But during the sunny, warm days of August of 2019, I experienced a heartbreaking storm. The last week of August began with so much joy. I discovered that I was carrying a precious child in my womb. Lars and I were ecstatic! Motherhood has been my dream career ever since I was a little girl. I was finally getting a chance to live that dream, but just a few days later our joy was turned to mourning. We had lost our baby. My heart shattered. The physical pain of a miscarriage is terrible, but it doesn’t compare to the emotional pain. Not only is their heartrending sorrow, but there is fear. Fear that I did something wrong. Fear that my body will never be able to carry a baby to full term. But God…. Those two little words have such power. I could have fallen into the depths of despair. I could have lost all hope. But God.. But God covered Lars and I with His peace. Though we grieved, He comforted us with His loving embrace and kept us from despair. He used our loss to draw Lars and I closer together and closer to Him. I will always love my first child. There will always be a part of me that still grieves, but God….
“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21b)
Indeed, summer brought a terrible storm. However, in late autumn, as the the cool of winter approached, a glorious rainbow broke through the remaining clouds of summer’s fearsome gale. Christmas was only a couple weeks away when Lars and I found out that I was once again with child. We were overjoyed once again, but also anxious. We couldn’t bear the thought of going through the pain of loss again. We decided to tell our church fairly early in my pregnancy, because we coveted their prayers for our baby’s protection and our peace. I am so delighted to report that I am now 16 weeks along and everything is looking good so far! Lord willing we will meet our beautiful, little miracle in mid-August, almost exactly a year after my miscarriage. I still worry from time to time. I suppose a mother never stops worrying about her children. But I am so thankful that God is in control. Nothing takes Him by surprise. He does all things for the good of his people and for His glory. Praise be to God!
I apologize if you came here to read a knitting post. I hope to share some recent projects soon, but I wanted to share my story. I hope that it has brought encouragement to any women who have also had a miscarriage or even multiple losses. I am praying for you all. May you find peace and comfort in God our Father. If you don’t know Him, call out to Him today. He is ready and willing to adopt you into His family. ❤